


How Deadpool Failed at Dating Spider-Man

by Missellaineous



Series: Deadpool Sucks at Dating Spider-Man [2]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crossdressing, Fluff, I bully him just a little, M/M, Wade has a few dark thoughts, but he gets a happy ending, buts it's an overall sweet story, very minor angst, wade wilson deserves love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25426534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missellaineous/pseuds/Missellaineous
Summary: I mean the title says it all.A short sequel to my other fic 'How Deadpool Accidentally Started Dating Spider-Man'. I wanted to write something to show my appreciation to everyone who read it and left kudos and comments.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Deadpool Sucks at Dating Spider-Man [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841704
Comments: 13
Kudos: 225





	How Deadpool Failed at Dating Spider-Man

If you thought that actually knowing that they were on a date would mean that Wade would actually know what he was doing, maybe even get lucky by the end of it, then you would be a fool. It could even be argued that he does worse than when he was oblivious.

He’d started with a simple but classic plan to take Peter to dinner and a movie. The movie part went well, as far as he could tell. They’d managed to get a theater all to themselves. The movie was terrible, but they had a great time making fun at it and throwing popcorn at the screen in mock outrage. It was when they moved on to the dinner portion of the evening that everything fell apart. Apparently the cook tasted a little too much of the house wine and dropped a rag onto the lit stove. Then he knocked the bottle of wine over and the fire spread quickly from there.

The second date somehow turned out to be even more traumatizing when squirrels attacked them while they were eating hotdogs in the park. No, there wasn’t an evil genius behind it, squirrels are just that terrifying, and they were now the reason Wade carried pepper spray around. They even made Wade’s top five worst ways to be eaten alive list, and Peter had to get b his precious little fingers bandaged.

The third date almost broke Wade’s determination to treat his boo the way he deserved.

It was their one-month anniversary, and Wade cleaned his apartment and practiced cooking for two days so he could make a perfect dinner for the two of them. He was plating the food while Peter waited sweetly at the table when rats burst through the wall en masse and started crawling over everything. Peter shrieked and jumped onto the ceiling while Wade flinched back and knocked into the stovetop dial. He didn’t notice the hiss of gas until he knocked into it a second time and the spark lit up, singeing everything nearby, including Wade. Sprinklers he didn’t even know he had turned on and drenched everything, ruining the food and making the rats stink terribly with wet fur.

Fate was screaming at him, and he was finally getting the message. He and his baby boy were just not meant to be, and he spent a few hours doing his best to get drunk at Sister Margaret’s trying to forget it. Weasel kicked him out around two in the morning once he got sick of listening to Wade complain, so he ended up roaming the streets for a few hours pretending to be drunk from the bottle of whiskey he’d snatched on his way out. He should have taken the hint from the disaster that had been their relationship before he’d known Spidey’s identity, but he’d just been so happy to find out about the other man’s crush that he’d actually believed that he wouldn’t fuck up this time.

[You always fuck everything up, I don’t know why you’re so surprised]

{But we can give up! Petey-pie deserves all the best things for putting up with us, and we’ve gotta figure out a way to show him how much we love his sweet ass}

[Don’t you get it? It’s hopeless, we’re not capable of actually loving and appreciating someone. He’s too good for us anyway. I bet he’s gonna break up with us]

{No!}

“Shut up,” Wade grumbled. He shook the now empty bottle over his open mouth and pouted when he realized there wasn’t even a few drops left. He tossed it toward a dumpster and didn’t bother checking to see if it made it in. With nothing else to do, he pulled down his mask and slowly made him way back to his apartment.

When he opened the door he was stunned to see that everything had been cleaned up and the wall had been crudely fixed up with tape and cardboard from an old pizza box. Peter was snoring on the couch with a wrapped present sitting conspicuously on the coffee table next to him.

“Oh em gee,” Wade whispered.

{He’s an _angel_ }

[This just proves I was right when I said we don’t deserve him]

{Shut up, everyone knows you’re just as happy as we are}

Wade carefully tiptoed forward and sat down next to the present, touching it gently. He looked at Peter and saw him stretch before opening his eyes and smiling at Wade like the sun had come out or something. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” Wade said.

“I wanted to. I know last night didn’t go very well, but I still want to celebrate our anniversary with you, and show how much I appreciate everything you do for me,” Peter said simply.

Wade chuckled darkly. “Baby boy, literally everything I’ve tried to do for you fails. I’m kind of a terrible boyfriend, if you haven’t noticed.”

That made Peter frown. He sat up and put a hand on Wade’s knee. “That’s not true. Just because a few dates haven’t gone the way you planned doesn’t mean that you’re terrible. You buy me food all the time, and you always have my back in a fight. You take care of my injuries even when you’re hurt worse than I am, and you always listen when I talk.” He leaned forward and cupped Wade face. “I love you. I’ll try to show it more often so you don’t doubt it.”

Wade couldn’t help it anymore, he had to pull his mask off and press kisses all over Spidey’s face, who giggled and caught Wade’s mouth in a kiss sweet enough to rot all his teeth out.

He eventually pulled away and grinned at Wade. “I’ve been dying to see you open your present all night. Um, I double-checked with the saleslady that it was nice cuz I don’t really know much about that kind of thing, but if you don’t like it we can exchange it.”

{What is it what is it what is it}

“Whatever it is, I’ll love it,” Wade vowed.

“Come ooon, open it and seeee,” Peter poked him.

Wade eagerly unwrapped the paper and squealed happily when he saw the pretty dress that was inside. “You really do love me,” he wondered.

“Of course I do. Try it on for me?”

So Wade skipped into the bedroom and changed, marveling at the soft fabric that didn’t irritate his skin and spinning happily to see the skirt swish around it legs.

Peter kissed him again when he came back out. “You look beautiful.”

Wade blushed happily. He hadn’t felt this pretty in a long time. He made Peter sit back down on the couch. “Wait here. I’m gonna cook breakfast.”

Wade put an apron on so he wouldn’t get his new dress dirty, and because he didn’t want to take it off yet. He hummed to himself as he mixed the pancake batter. He was going to make the best breakfast ever for the best boyfriend ever, and spoil Peter until he was the second happiest man in the world. Second, because Wade was the first.


End file.
